Beam me up. NOW! link
Finally! It only took like twenty requests. I turned off Airplane mode. I updated iCloud. I lost Angry Birds. I'm literally being attacked by an entire race of really tiny, but obnoxiously strong aliens, and need to get the heck off this planet. She said to stand still, and I have. That was a half hour ago. She's not going to beam me up... is she? FML.